Blonde Ails

9 Apr

Come for the corny titles. Stay for the shitty analysis. 

Who needs Little Yella Pils? Um, Betty Draper Francis. Clearly. I mean, holy hell, Bets. I turn around for 17 months, and you’re pushin’ 2 bills and your husband to drink. Hypothyroidism. Riggggghhtt. I know a Blue Bell diet when I see one. And Betty Draper is on the Pint-a-Day.

Hey, speaking of pints… Mama’s Little Yella Pils is an easy-drinking Czech Pilsener (get it) from the guys that brought you Ten Fidy, Old Chub, Dale’s, and all the other tastily metallic brews that come in those budget-breaking cans. Look, I like Oskar Blues as much as the next guy (provided he’s HopLover82), but at $10.75 for a sixer, I’m expecting a little more than Budweiser with pretty artwork.

Oskar Blues - Mama's Little Yella Pils

LYP is bready, slightly lemony and drinkable by the gallon at 5.3% ABV. It pours a translucent yellow, which wafts of citrusy ethers and sprouts a healthy two-finger white head — just like The King. You would like it, if you don’t have a penis.

Whoa, the P-bomb comes out early. Apologies. This is what happens when you drink Old Rasputin while blogging. Or as I call it, “field research.”

Let me tell you about a beer that I do like. Abita Strawberry LagerTrois Pistoles is a beer you can bring home to your mom — strong, dark, and French (note 1: Trois Pistoles is brewed in Quebec by Unibroue; note 2: my mother likes black men; note 3: I have a girlfriend). I had it last night in a bucket-sized Hoegaarden glass that Ms. Bartender Come Lately sought fit to serve my 12 oz. Belgian in. Hey, it was five bucks. I can live with the ill-fitting frat-ware.

A strong (9.0% ABV), dark (coffee-colored) Belgian ale with a dissipating head and malts galore, this one tastes like Blue Moon on a power trip. The knock-you-on-your-ass raisin/coriander/booze profile is a slog to drink, but the complexity makes for rewarding sipping and even better debate. Some people love this beer. I just used the plebeian Blue Moon as reference point… Its reputation exceeds it, no doubt, but it’s certainly worth a try. A beer for girls? Yeeeeeeee…. No. Unless you’re Betty Francis, who will put down anything.

Trois Pistoles

So, recap. Mama’s Little Yella Pils is Bud for snobs — a lightweight pilsener that you might’ve had from a warm keg once at a Tri-Delt mixer. Boringly refreshing. Trois Pistoles is a dark fruit-laced conversation piece that you might like, but you will definitely respect. It’s big and full-bodied, like — wait for it — Betty Draper Francis.

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2 Responses to “Blonde Ails”

  1. shell5656 April 9, 2012 at 4:19 pm #

    Oh, so I let the boyfriend take over and disses Strawberry Lager and Mama’s! Hey not all of us have the capacity/metabolism to down a 16 oz Young’s DBL Choc Stout as a nightcap.

    Just kidding, great post. January Jones would be flattered I am sure – when she’s not busy eating her placenta somewhere.

    Also, good synopsis of Trois Pistoles, i.e. the best thing to come out of France after croissant and that ‘Zou Bisou Bisou’ song from Mad Men.

  2. Jessie Ammons August 24, 2012 at 6:19 pm #

    Is it weird that that Trois Pistoles sounds good right about … now?

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